In which I wax philosophical for a change

I often feel out of place and awkward.

I run three times a week, but I’m certainly not a runner. I ride my bike all over creation, but I’m not a cyclist. I say I’m a swimmer, but I haven’t been swimming in three weeks and when I do swim I’m slower than a manatee. I used to think I was smart, but now my associates do everything I do, often do it better, and they do it in a language that is foreign to them! I’m a woman, but I’m not married with children and don’t even have any plans in that direction (unlike every other woman in my church). In the professional side of my life, I’m an American woman, and that’s unusual, but it doesn’t make me the least bit awkward to be in a room full of men. Then I think about how it doesn’t make me feel awkward and I feel awkward about not feeling awkward. I don’t think that creation necessarily took take place in a literal 6 days, yet I firmly believe that God is all powerful and did create and still directs the universe. I sometimes use words in conversation that make people look at me funny, then I wonder if I’ve used them properly. I’ve been dating the same guy since high school, and that was a LONG TIME AGO.

I can’t even BEGIN to explain how awkward I feel among most other girls of my own age. Especially if they look nice or have a house that is tastefully decorated. I’m lucky if I’m wearing un-stained, un-sweaty clothing that fits somewhat properly and wouldn’t have a single clue how to apply makeup if I owned any. Currently the only items even pretending to be decorative at my house are a neon pink feather boa artfully spread across the mantel, and a two year old picture of my family nestled in the middle of said boa. Tasteful, I know.

However, this is not a woe-is-me post. All of these things that make me awkward are part of me. I choose to wear ill-fitting and comfortable clothing. I love my career choice thus far. I enjoy my triathlons and training even if I’m not super fast. I don’t want to spend time money on decorating my house when I could be reading, working out, or doing something cool like mountain biking. So, Lisa, stop feeling awkward about it. I can be whoever I want to be.

In my mind this concept is linked to another, and I’m not entirely sure I’m going to capture the essence of the tenuous connection. I’ll give it a try. I can be whoever I want to be, and I don’t need approval from anyone to have assurance of my salvation.

Verses from 1 John 5 “1 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. 2This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands… 13I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.”

I have no doubt that Jesus is the Christ and born of God. I have a desire to do what God commands that is often (but not always…) stronger than the desire to do what he commands not to do. Therefore, I must KNOW that I have eternal life. It’s so simple, and I’m very grateful.

I guess the connection is that I am so happy that I don’t need to fit in or have the approval of anybody.


3 Responses to “In which I wax philosophical for a change”

  1. 1 dearandieleigh July 31, 2009 at 12:21 am

    I was just thinking today how I generally don’t feel the need to have people’s approval.

    It was a very freeing thought. And one I am sure to grow into more and more with age.

    I don’t know you hardly at all, just from what I have read from your blog, but I think the you that you are sounds pretty awesome!


  2. 2 Lisa August 2, 2009 at 11:37 am

    Holy cow! I was reading this post nodding, because I’m a slow triathlete and I wear stained, loose clothes, and I feel awkward around girls my age, and then you said LISA and I was like, HOW DID SHE KNOW MY NAME. It was startling. We have the same name, and a lot of the same traits. CRAZY!

  3. 3 coldwork August 7, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Crazy! I think you also have 4 sisters and are an engineer? …Just like me!

    Now my stalkerishness comes out!

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